Aesopacolypse

frogscorpA frog met a scorpion by the side of a brook. The scorpion convinced the frog to help it cross the brook despite the frog’s hesitation at having anything to do with a scorpion.

“If I sting you, I’ll sink with you!” the scorpion said.

Of course, halfway across, the scorpion did sting the frog, saying, “You knew I was a scorpion when you picked me….Ugh! What’s happening to me?”

The scorpion convulsed with pain. Through his dying eyes, the frog smiled. “I am a deadly toxic Colombian Kokoe Poison Dart Frog. Prepare to die!”

“Oh, my Colombian friend, I have prepared to die for a long time.” Just then, the bloated corpses of a female frog and several dead tadpoles floated by. The frog’s expression turned from a pained smile to an agonized grimace. The scorpion laughed as he twitched. “Yes, I’ve been planning this revenge for years!”

“Why?”

“Your ancestor cruelly drowned my great-grandfather! Now your family dies, and your line dies with it!”

“Yes, but not alone,” croaked the frog.

Just then the air grew bright as giant mushroom clouds filled the sky.

“It was your great-grandfather who stung mine! While your family was plotting its crude revenge, mine was amassing a nuclear stockpile! Now the destruction of your kind is assured!”

“But at the cost of everything!” gasped the scorpion.

“What do I care? I’m dying.“

As the two of them died, a hot wind rushed over the land. Their bodies glowed with radioactive fire, and the water around them boiled.

–Dan Kilian

The First Incidence of That Thing Where You Say Everything The Other Person’s Saying and It’s Really Annoying

I Gave Up Borrowing for Lent -or- Fat Thursday

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