Archive for May, 2011

Pets

Posted in Fiction on May 25, 2011 by klogtheblog

I have a lizard that I keep in my room.  I hold it close, hugging it, smelling the oil on its scales, smelling its skin.  Its heart thunders because it does not want to be held.  It wants to eat crickets and be free but I keep it in a cage.

It would eat my skin if it were big enough.  It would eat my muscles and my organs too.  It would eat my liver.  But the days when lizards were huge and mammals were small are gone and it is small and I keep it for my entertainment, reaching into the cage whenever I want, my warm searching hand turning over its hiding-rock, spilling water into the sand, unperturbed by its whipping tail, unbroken by its biting teeth and its sandpaper tongue, uncaring for the terror in its eyes.

My people rose up and made cages and steel while its people became birds.  And those birds left this lizard behind, left it in my cruel hands, left it to be tortured at my whim.

I also have fish.

–Steve Kilian

Stephen Hawking Contemplates The Void

Abandoned Halloween Costume Ideas

Advertisements

Surviving The End of The World

Posted in All things music, All things political, Short Films on May 24, 2011 by klogtheblog

I’m told that the actual end of the world occurs in October, that this is just The Rapture. Look around. Do you know anyone who’s likely to be called? This proves nothing. It’s like the debt ceiling. Big now that we’ve reached it, but we’ve still got to do a lot of shuffling around before everything falls apart. Still it’s a big deal. Some people have to get called up. I also think some kind of period of misery is supposed to begin now. Some people want to use The Bible as a calculator, as a constitution or as a science textbook. In Galileo’s time they used it as a telescope. I think it should be used as a bible. People, the world’s not going to end anytime soon. It’s going to stick around until we’ve got spaceships. Gene Roddenbury was given a vision just as surely as whoever wrote Revelations was given a vision. Earth’s got a long future ahead of it, so we’d better take better care of it. If it makes you feel any better, YOU’RE going to die, and likely soon. So you’ve got that. Meanwhile, might I mention the band? I think it’s pretty shit-kicking good, but very few people know us. If you halfway agree, how about spreading the word? Make yourself helpful while you’re still here on the planet. Or I guess you could do something for Haiti or Japan or something, if you want to get all real. Still, art is worth it, and these songs don’t write and arrange themselves. They might seem pretty simple, and quite frankly, they are pretty simple, and it took a lot of work  to get them that simple. Also, the bartender could use a nice tip. Buy some beer. Enjoy yourself. I don’t know why I’m getting all needy, it’s just the night before the end of the world and I’m trying to fill up some space. The End.

–Dan Kilian

Program from Saturday Night’s Show, when many had predicted The Rapture would occur.

Stephen Hawking Contemplates The Void

Felix From The Flame

Escalation

Posted in Comedy, Fiction on May 19, 2011 by klogtheblog

Hey, Tom, how’s it going?

Joe!  Great to see you!  How the hell are you?

Well, I’m –

No, seriously – how the bleeding Christ on the cross are you?

Uh –

Come on, how the stack of dead babies killed by Crusaders in the Thirteenth Century are you doing, man?

Gee, Tom –

Don’t bullshit me, Joe!  How the wave after wave of Mongol raiders pillaging and raping their way across the lower steppe-lands are you getting on?

Tom, I don’t –

It’s me, Joe!  It’s ME.  How the shipping container full of fifteen-to-nineteen-year old eastern European girls being sent into a short and thankless life of heroin addiction and jizz-encrusted prostitution are you doing?

Tom, I think –

Joe, come off it.  You can tell me.  Back up and start from the beginning:  How the melanine-poisoned troupe of crippled Chinese acrobats serving as the video backdrop to your twisted jerk-off session in the special room beneath your stairs are things going in your neck of the woods?

TOM, stop!

What’s wrong, Joe?

I have spinal cancer.

— Steve Kilian

Batman vs. The Taliban

The Ghost Is Dead But The Corpse Is Still Walking Around


The Equation

Posted in Art, Comedy, Critique on May 18, 2011 by klogtheblog

–Steve Kilian

Dropping Science

Project Run For Your Lives

A Couple Nights A Week

Posted in All things music, Short Films on May 17, 2011 by klogtheblog

–The Ks

Get the Album

One Great Wisdom and One Great Truth

Waiting for The Other Foot to Fall Off

Posted in All things music, All things political on May 13, 2011 by klogtheblog

We’re all waiting for the other shoe to drop, but these days it’s raining shoes from the sky. Clearly the planet is trying to get rid of us, but we shall kill it before it kills us. I remember this ghost comic book I read a long long time ago where this man is pursued by a ghost until the ghost kills him, and then he’s all glad because now he’s a ghost and can turn the tables.  It’s like we nuked Japan only to create Godzilla, and then we nuked the world to destroy Godzilla. Then Japan got into the nuke business. When that’s all over there’ll be someone to say ah that was nothing we’ve got nothing to fear from nukes. Personally, I have a problem with a business that produces poisonous material that stays deadly forever. Forever is a mighty long time, and a very small place. I wonder if each time a President gets into power he’s all gung-ho until the interview with the mysterious little scientist explains to him that it’s all over anyway, so just go have fun being President. I hope not. My greatest hopes are hope nots. My favorite not is a knot. When bones start breaking, ghosts attack ghosts. The seven skeletons turn into a jumble of bones and no one knows who’s who or what bone’s connected to the which bone. Witch bone is a powerful medicine, helps with the sex life. That’s why newlyweds are always  killing old women. Maybe a new beast will rise from the jumble of broken bones. Repurpose the jagged breaks as claws or teeth. The broken bone beast will waddle awkwardly through the trees, clutching its crutches, jumping on wounded creatures in the woods, stealing their skin, draping torn muscle and hide over its skeleton, ripping loose the sinews and tying the crutches and canes to the broken bones until a lumpy mass of flesh forms some zombie Frankenstein. It wonders how it moved before it had all this wonderful misshapen muscle. It leaps and runs through the tall grasses, a creature at last. It runs and it runs until it trips and breaks its ankle and remembers that it’s not an animal at all, but just a jumble of broken bones.

–Dan Kilian

Why I Listen to Monster Magnet

The Hall of IP