Archive for April, 2011

The Fire Blooms Where The Flower Burns

Posted in All things music on April 29, 2011 by klogtheblog

The fire blooms where the flower burns or does the flower burn where the fire blooms? Water runs but it cannot hide. That’s another thing that’s simply not true. Some things are simply not true, some things are simply true but complicated lies. Where does the truth lie? The devil lies in a bed of flames, but he doesn’t get much sleep. He dreams of heaven and he wakes up screaming.

Now it’s in vogue to preach that Hell isn’t a place, but that just uproots the fiery flower and lets it walk around on legs.

Every flower is a Venus Flytrap, only some plants are hunting bigger game. Hunt your game, but don’t play with your food.

Cook your own food. Choose your own poison. You’ll die smiling and spend less money on lunch.

You can bet your lunch money that a horse with no name won’t win the race. They never named the horses the horsemen of the Apocalypse ride in on, but they probably have names.

Remember that movie “The Thing?” The original? An alien vegetable man in the Arctic. Is there an alien vegetable man in the fire? He probably gets wilted pretty quick. Have to admit I thought speculating about alien fire vegetable men would take me to a more bad-ass place.

Rust and fire are just different speeds of oxidization. If you get in the middle lane on that highway, it’s just called breathing. End result is always the same.

Fire has a name. That name is Bernie.

Fire! I take your learn!

–Dan Kilian

The program to last Thursday’s show. If you were there, thanks, Matt, Colleen and Sue.

Maureen Dowd Guest Column

The Putt Putt: World’s Best Mini Golf, Holes 1-9


+2 Arrow

Posted in Fiction on April 26, 2011 by klogtheblog

The shaft of the arrow was perfectly ordinary. It was of good manufacture, to be sure — straight, well-seasoned wood that was light and flexible, but nothing that a hundred other archers couldn’t buy or make themselves.  It would not snap easily and was too dry to rot.  It had been rubbed with a bit of oil so it would stay that way.  There was a rough spot which looked like a splinter had been sanded away, but nothing that would harm the flight of the arrow.  But in all its workmanship was nothing above competent.


The fletching was similarly unremarkable.  Sound work, again, and good materials (hawk, reddish with white at the tips), but not anything that would raise an eyebrow.  There were some wealthy dilettantes who would take to the field with a quiver full of egret and peacock feathers — this would be below their standard.  The nock was well-centered.


Instead it was the fork-bladed points that made the arrow special.  Three serrated blades etched with runes surrounded a central tine which accepted the shaft. The sharpened edges gleamed silver, fading to a pitted black in the flat of the blade.  The runes were a deeper black still, glossy with a resin that had been used to fill the strokes of the script.  The language was too old to translate, too arcane to understand.  It had not been spoken in ten thousand years.


It was a bit of a surprise then, to both arrow and archer, when I drew the feathers to my ear and spoke the name of the arrow in flawless Old Caturrian.  I then bade it seek, and loosed it toward the rider bearing the flag of parley.


So began the war of the Ninth Dynasty.

–Steve Kilian

His Retirement

District 9 District 9 District 9 District 9 District 9

Letter To Liam Neeson

Posted in Comedy, Critique on April 21, 2011 by klogtheblog

Dear Liam Neeson:

Did you get to keep that awesome axe you wielded in Krull?  Also, I think you should grow back your beard like it was in Krull.  What was your favorite movie to film?  Was it Krull?  Was it hard to have there be two suns in the outdoor scenes of Krull?

You are an excellent actor.  I would have been afraid of the cyclops.

Your Fan,

–Steve Kilian

Hard Case

The Friends of Greta

Screenplay For William Shatner and Christopher Walken Consisting Only of Pauses

Posted in Comedy, Short Films on April 18, 2011 by klogtheblog

[Intense pause]

[Odd pause]

[Intense pause]

[Weird pause]

[Angry pause]

[Long pause]

[Intense pause]

[Pause so weird and long people think you’ve just forgotten your next line, and are bluffing it out]

[Agonized, dying pause]

[Awkward pause]

[Long pause]

–Dan Kilian

Editor’s note: Take THAT, McSweeney’s!

Top Trek: A Pan Fiction!

Trippy and Groovy: 8 Song Playlist

New K Word: Chernobylesque

Posted in All things political, Critique on April 13, 2011 by klogtheblog

Chernobylesque: LikeChernobyl. It’s all too clear why we need the word Chernobylesque, but maybe one day it’ll be about someone’s nasty temper.

–Dan Kilian


End of Conflict II: The Squid & Whale Tattoo

linKs 4/6/11

Posted in All things music, All things political, Comedy, Critique, Fiction on April 6, 2011 by klogtheblog

Here are some enjoyable little linKs

Star Wars VII: Yet Another New Hope

Zombie Octopus Island II

Baseball is BACK! So are Stevie and Hammy of

Obama Jokes

Lucky The Third Time: The Obama Doctrine

Mid East Roundup (or Round Down) Make your own suspicious looking links! Thanks Billy! Let Me Google That For You. For those people who are too important to look up a link. Thanks Nina!

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6 Things (or more?)

Posted in Art, Trivia on April 4, 2011 by klogtheblog

What are the 6 things different about the two pictures?

–Dan Kilian

Back to The Return To The Last Trip To The Well, Part Two

The Citadel: Undone