The Monitor vs. The Minotaur

Merrimack ahoy! Merrimack ahoy!

Hard ballast to the stern! Rig the flypole!  We’ll show those blimey Confederates! The blockade shall hold! Blockade the hold!

Aye aye!

Mizzen the main-shaft!

Captain, there’s a monster on deck!

Where?

Alee!

What ’tis it?

Seems to be half man, half bull!

’Tis a Minotaur! Avast!

He’s goring our crew!

Dive! Dive! All stations dive!

Aye aye! Ho the portswallow! Jib the swain! Dive! Dive!

Did we lose him?

I espy him not.

Sharkman ahoy!

What?

’Tis a man with a shark’s head and front-fins! And he’s coming right for the mizzen!

An underwater Minotaur!

Begging your pardon, Captain, but is a half-shark-half-man truly a Minotaur, or is that nomenclature confined to the half-man-half-bull of Myth? Is he some other species of chimerical creature?

Truly, I know not. If we had not been attacked so recently by a classic variety of Minotaur, I might not have so readily used that term. Let us call him a Manshark.

Aye. Also, I should have also reminded you that this boat is not a submergible vessel, merely an ironclad ship. We’re taking on a good deal of water, being under the surface like this.

You’re a good First Mate! Yes, in light of that, and the Sharkman…

I believe you’d used the term Manshark.

And in light of the Manshark, we should surface.

Surface! Surface! All hands to the giblets!

Aye aye! Aye aye!

Damage report!

Several of the crew have drowned, many been gored, or devoured by the Manshark.

Sir, I’m going to have to belay that moniker. Sharkman is the better name.

Sharkman it is! Crew! Sharkman is the name! Sharkman!

Aye aye! Aye aye!

Hold steady at the beacon!

How shall we overcome these monsters?

Perhaps we shan’t have to! Avast! The Sharkman and the Minotaur are fighting each other!

This is truly a bloody war. Brother against brother. Sharkman against Minotaur.

And I had thought they would be working together, half-beasts that they are.

It must have just been a coincidence that they both appeared so soon apart. Anyway, the jolly Scotsman awaits. Jibble the stirfry.

Jibble the stirfry!

Aye aye! Aye aye!

–Dan Kilian

2012 Minutes of Mayhem

Greek Fishermen

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