The Hurt Locker

Ah, it’s good to be back from dismantling bombs!

You know maybe because it was my first day, but I thought it was kind of easy.

It is! You just pull out the detonator, and you’re set. Easy!

The only thing is, you work up a sweat. Where are the showers?

Right over there.

Where should I dump my sneakers?

Use one of those lockers. I’ve got locker 11.

And I’ve got 9.

Why don’t I try locker…4…

NO! Don’t use locker 4!

NO! It’s THE HURT LOCKER!

What do you…AAAAGGHH! AAAAAUGGH!! IT HURTS SO MUCH!!! AAAAAGGGHH! UUURRGH!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! OW! EEEEEEERRRGH! AAAAAAAGGGGHHH!! WHO WOULD MAKE SUCH A PAINFUL LOCKER?? AAAAGGGHH!!! AAAWWWW!!! THE PAIN!!! THE HURRRRRRRRT!! AAAAAGGGHH!

We should have told him about the hurt locker.

Maybe we should put up a sign.

AAAAAGGH!! NNNNNOOOOO!!! THE PAAIIINN!! UUURRRRGH!! AAAAARRRRRGH!! AAAAAWWWWW!!! EEEEEEYYYYEEECCH!! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!! IT’S REALLY HUUURRRRRRTS!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHH!!

–Dan Kilian

Firemen II

It Smelled Like Mint

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One Response to “The Hurt Locker”

  1. […] and the casting suggests that Jeremy Renner is still squandering the goodwill he gained with The Hurt Locker in mad pursuit of a ridiculous action franchise and that they couldn’t get  Kate Beckinsale. In […]

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