Archive for February, 2010

Geographical Points of Interest

Posted in Comedy on February 26, 2010 by klogtheblog

Which city is increasing by 100% every year? Dublin

Which city boasts the biggest feet per capita? Tripoli

What country outlaws casual Fridays? Thailand

In what country is everyone slightly tone-deaf? Tunisia

Where to all the sub-billed actors go for a vacation? Costa Rica

Where do they really wonder about the authenticity of your skin tone? Istanbul

What city has too many keyboard solos? Prague

What city refuses you again? Reno

Where will you lose your ennui? Saigon

What country has melancholy newspapers? Cyprus

What country actually exists? Israel

What city does the conservative Supreme Court judge go on a bender in? Sausalito

And where’s the after-party? Zanzibar

In what city are gentlemen often indicted? Syracuse

Where won’t they accept any kind of cash? The Czech Republic

What country is over-run by insects? France

In what country is it forbidden to where short pants in public AND long pants inside? Indonesia

Where are they really possessive about their cattle? Macau

And what country am I currently in litigation with? Sudan

–Dan Kilian

Demon Brand Choco-Mallows

Humanizing Death From Above by MQ1-178

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More Healthcare Summit

Posted in All things political on February 25, 2010 by klogtheblog

So I’ve listened to this summit all day, and while I don’t really think I’ve learned anything, I found it oddly fascinating. Is anything not oddly fascinating that’s fascinating? Is anything ever routinely fascinating?

For the most part it’s been grown-ups talking about grown-up things, with Obama the most grown-up of the grown-ups. Obama being grown-up isn’t new, but there are some players who are on their best behavior. Maybe they should do this more often. When people act up with B.S. he shoots them down, the way he did in that meeting with the Republicans a couple weeks back.

Of course, none of this will amount to anything. As policy, it’s illuminating how much mutuality actually exists, and how many Republican ideas have already been appropriated. As “theater” it’s a debate, and Obama’s winning. The Republicans have the dislike of the public for the plan, some valid concerns, perhaps, and a bunch of lies.

I think it’s a shame the public probably won’t see this, as unproductive as it would probably be, because it’s a better forum for this issue, one which dampens all the craziness and misinformation. They’ll see some clips, and Obama will come off well. But it’s nice to see the Republicans actually acting civil. It creates the illusion of functional government.

Now let’s see if O can keep his party together and create the reality.

–Dan Kilian

You Can Fool Summit The People Summit The Time

Oblivial Day

Kabaret

Posted in All things music on February 24, 2010 by klogtheblog

I’ve got five songs in the upcoming Cabaret performance play by the unparalleled Raquel Cion titled “Cou-Cou Bijoux: Pour Vous” My part is a song cycle based on the five stages of grief, through the filter of a dying romance. Raquel is a mad semi-French (demi-French?) singer, or something. I haven’t seen it yet. Let’s all go see what it is!

Check it out!

In her new two-act cabaret chanteuse Cou-Cou Bijoux ignites the torch in song as she stops, drops and rolls into love and other misfortunes.

Written & Performed by Raquel Cion
Musical Direction by Brooks Hartell
Original Songs by Dan Kilian
Directed by Luke Harlan

Fri. & Sat., March 12th & 13th at 9 pm, $12, $10 (Students)

Dixon Place Lounge

161A Chrystie Street (b/w Rivington & Delancey)

Tickets: 212.219.0736 or go to www.ovationtix.com

–Dan Kilian

A Nonsensational Speech On the Detainee Abuse Photos by Barack Obama

Six Song Selection: Radio Lives

You Can Fool Summit The People Summit The Time

Posted in All things political, Comedy on February 23, 2010 by klogtheblog

This Thursday Obama and the Republicans have their much hyped Health Care Summit. Leery Republicans and embattled Democrats will put their ideas on the table, and pretend that any of them are actually better than what we should really do. Since everything is predetermined in Washington, we already know what’s going to happen. Here’s the transcript.

Stage Manager: Curtains up!

O: Welcome here Republicans! That sounds like a good idea! Let’s use it!

John Boehner: I’d like to say that we’re all really grateful for this invitation, and that we think it’s a trap.

Mitch McConnell: Blurg! Bluggity blug blug bluggy blugg blug blurrrrrg!

O: That sounds like a good idea! Let’s use it!

Boehner: We’re happy to add ideas to reforming healthcare. Our first idea is that you scrap reforming healthcare.

O: Now come on John. You’ve got to meet us halfway. We’ve tried to meet you halfway. This bill is a hobbled piece of crap already. We’re twisting ourselves into pretzels to keep the insurance companies happy. Why? Because we’re corrupt @*#holes, just like you. We really can work together.

Boehner: I’ll agree that we’re all corrupt, but if the country goes to hell, I get to move into the nicer offices, so we really can’t even meet you part-way.

O: Well, can we hear any Republican ideas that you might use for your kind of health care reform?

Boehner: Well, if we put a cap on how much people can sue an incompetent doctor for, it would save us millions of dollars. All we’d have to give up is recourse to the law. Tort reform!

McConnell: Tort! Tort!! Blurggity blurg!

O: That sounds like a good idea! Let’s use it! Anything else?

Boehner: It’d be good for people to be able to buy insurance across state lines.

O: That sounds like a good idea! Let’s use it!

Rahm Emanuel: Wait a @#%* *%#@ minute! Don’t we already do that with our bill?

O: No! That’s a totally new Republican idea! And we’re going to use it!

Boehner: Also, instead of the government subsidizing low income people’s insurance, can we just give them vouchers or coupons or something?

O: Well this has been a lovely bipartisan exchange of ideas! I think we’ve done it! Let’s go pass healthcare.

Harry Reid: If you guys have really come up with a bipartisan Healthcare plan, I’ve got one that will take care of the whole thing for fifteen billion dollars. I’ve really set my expectations pretty low. I’m going to be a commentator on MSNBC next year. Isn’t that right Nancy?

Nancy Pelosi: Please don’t touch me, Mr. Reid.

Boehner: What are you talking about! You can’t just appropriate a couple small ideas and call that bipartisanship!

O: The hell I can’t! That’s my new slogan. Yes, the hell I can’t! Thanks for those wonderful ideas. Now let’s go pass this thing, reconciliation style.

Emanuel: All *@%#-ing right!

McConnell: Blurrrrrg!

Reid: Yes, let’s do it! I wonder if we have the votes!

Nancy Pelosi: We can pass it in the House, as long as you promise to change all the bad parts later!

Boehner: Curses! It was a trap!

Stage Manager: Okay! That’s a wrap! Strike the set!

–Dan Kilian

The Lawnmower Party

Olde Tales of The Sea

K-Riddle

Posted in Poetry, Trivia on February 22, 2010 by klogtheblog

Who, when doubled

Answers this riddle with a puzzle?

HINT:

If this game your mind outfoxes

It’s best to think inside the boxes

HINT2:

The numbers all add up the best

When you can see where East meets West

–Dan Kilian

If you need to know the answer, comment or e-mail us.

Epideme

The Lawnmower Party

Last Thought

Posted in All things political, Comedy, Fiction on February 19, 2010 by klogtheblog

Editor’s note: Our brother Steve is off to Argentina, which prompts this happy travels message from The Mysterious J. Who or what is J to K?

He should never have worn that stupid  Che Guevara beret he had acquired in Cuba.  He had thought it would disassociate him from a century of Yankee imperialism, make him more “of the people,” whatever that shit meant.  He hadn’t really thought at all.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The paramilitary aimed his pistol at that stupid bearded face planted so conveniently on his forehead.  He just stared, like a deer in headlights, waiting for some clever idea to come to him.

“Say hello to your FARC buddies in hell!” the man spat at him.  His English was surprisingly good.  Then came the flash.

Loss of consciousness, loss of being, loss of life, should have been instantaneous, he thought as he pitched forward.  Close enough – the reprieve was just a couple of seconds.  Strange – no pain.  Through his fading vision, he saw the blood and brain gush out, spiraling from his brain-case like water draining from a bathtub.

“Counterclockwise!”  Then nothing.

Have a great vacation!

–The Mysterious J

Inconsistencies in the New Star Trek Movie

The Billion Dollar Omelet Part III

Baby Why You’re Eyes So Wild?

Posted in All things music on February 19, 2010 by klogtheblog

Here the song here: 02 Baby Why Your Eyes So Wild-

E          /           Am      /           F          /           E INTRO

Am      /           F          /           C         /           Dm

E          /           Am      /           F          /           E VERSE

Little lover,

Am      /           F          /           C         /           Dm

Why you hiding under covers?

E          /           Am      /           F          /           E

Lover child

Am      /           F          /           C         /           Dm

Why your eyes so wild?

E          /           Am      /           F          /           E

Were you scared?

Am      /           F          /           C         /           Dm

Somebody hurt you back there?

E          /           Am      /           F          /           E

I’m right here

Am      /           F          /           C         /

Baby why you act so weird? Well

Dm                                   Am                                                 3X CHORUS 

Baby why your eyes so wild?

G    F#   F

Tell me why?

REPEAT VERSE

Did some bad dream Make you wake up screaming?

Some ancient memory, Snake into your apple tree?

REPEAT CHORUS

E          /           F          /           E          / INSTRUMENTAL

E          G         A                     A                     A

REPEAT CHORUS 2X

Song by Dan Kilian

Performed by The Ks

A Classic Joke and A Classic Comedy Routine Meet, With Unsatisfactory Results

Hollywood Harvest