Archive for January, 2010

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

Posted in All things political, Fiction on January 15, 2010 by klogtheblog

“Walt, get in here right this instant!”  The report card sat on his father’s desk next to a stack of legal briefs and pen holder with brass eagles.  “What is the meaning of this?”

It hadn’t been a sterling semester, at least not academically.  The fact that he’d had his first kiss (Margaret, cool) and drunk his first beer (Molson, warm) would not distract his father from the C in AP Bio and the two electives that he dropped back in October.  He’d need to get a 5 on the bio test for college credit and pull a couple of 21-credit semesters to graduate on time.

“This is not the performance I was expecting.  That school costs money,” said his father, drawing out the unnnh in “money.”

“I know, dad, it’s just that –”

“It’s just what?  Are you not intellectually capable of completing, what is it, ‘Shop Fundamentals’?  Baffled by the lathe, is it?”

“No, dad, it’s not the coursework –”

“Maybe public school would be a better match, better preparation for your upcoming career?  Which is what, exactly?”

“I’m not sure, dad.  We’ve been over this, I want to go undeclared for my first year –”

“Right, so you can find yourself and then need to go on to tens of thousands of dollars worth of grad school so you can have more than an English Lit degree.  It’s not like we’ll be getting financial aid,” said his father, gesturing at the office and the five-bedroom house around it.

They were both silent for a moment.  Walt put his hand on the door jamb, steadying himself.  He’d stood there a thousand times.  “I’ll try to do better next semester, dad.”

“Please do.”

Walt walked away.  His father took off his glasses and tossed them on the desk.  He rubbed his eyes and noticed the date on the desk-blotter calendar.  The number was in red.  “Huh,” he grunted, not entirely with conscious control.  He was thankful that there were brave men in the world.

–Steve Kilian

The Ghost of Nixon and Obama: A Dialogue

One Step Forward, Two Steps Banks


Shiraqin Chords Lyrics Mp3

Posted in All things music on January 14, 2010 by klogtheblog

Click here to hear the song:  Shiraqin


D/        C/        F/         G/                                    4x


D/        C/        F/         G/                                    2x

You love your mother you love your father

You love your brothers, you’re gonna love me

All your friends, the old men, these screaming nuns,

I’ll set them all free


A                                                                                 A7/////

I’ve got my soldiers; my soldiers got the order to shoot

F                                                                                  G

Sealing off the exits, what happens next is up to you


D                                 F                                  C                 Bb           2x

Sleep with me or the whole town dies. Sleep with me, Shiraqin


D/        C/        F/         G/                                                                    1x


D/        C/        F/         G/                                                                    2x

I’m not a bad man, no twisted madman,

Still my commandments, they must be obeyed

My sovereign duty, show a little cruelty,

Still for your beauty, my hand has been stayed


A                                                                                 A7/////

I’d never force you, but I will enforce my right

F                                                                                  G

This could be a black, bloody day, or you could find true love tonight


D                                 F                      C                         Bb               2x

Sleep with me or the whole town dies. Sleep with me, Shiraqin

D/        C/        F/         G/                                                                    2x        INSTRO



D                                 F                      C                         Bb


I love you I love you

I’ll be Citizen Supreme, you’ll be my Queen

I’m gonna take you out of this place. You’re coming with me, Shiraqin

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you Shiraqin

D/        C/        F/         G/                                                                    1x        INSTRO

–Song by Dan Kilian

–Performed by The Ks

I Can’t Get It Together mP3, Words and Chords

Dialogue with the Loch Ness Monster

Pointless Enemies: DVD Review

Posted in Critique on January 13, 2010 by klogtheblog

Everyone wants Johnny Depp to shave, but when he does it’s often disappointing. In Public Enemies he plays John Dillinger. The movie answers such questions about the notorious gangster as “Did John Dillinger rob banks?” and “Did he inevitably get caught?”


Depp is quiet and grim in this picture, and while he doesn’t deflate the way Nicolas Cage does when he tries to underplay, it’s still a little dead. This Dillinger is an unknowable, not terribly likable character.


He has a girlfriend, played by Edith Piaf, who is an excellent actress, but remarkably doesn’t sing. Instead, some blues rockers approximate the feel of the depression, and some indie chanteuses moan some jazz tunes. Piaf can’t carry the picture, and while this movie is probably a love story, they’re just not together long enough to form a true relationship. The audience is given plenty of time to bond with Dillinger however, but the date never heats up.


Christian Bale’s here, with a less than convincing Southern Accent, as well as Giovanni Ribisi with an utterly convincing mumble. Lot of mumbling. I kept turning up the volume until the shootouts blew out my eardrums.


Michael Mann can shoot some fine atmospheric scenes. He runs a good crane shot and he’s good at action, even if it gets confusing. Whoever does the sound editing deserves this movie’s compensatory Oscar. Really good bullet ricocheting sounds.


Towards the end Dillinger is hiding out from the man. He grows a mustache to disguise himself. It’s the best part of the movie! If only Willie Wonka had a goatee! Beard it up, Johnny!


–Dan Kilian

Who Watches The Watchmen? Matt Does.

Michael Steele Jokes

323 Days of Summer: DVD Review

Posted in Critique on January 12, 2010 by klogtheblog

500 Days of Summer is a cool romantic comedy and they won’t let you forget it. She digs Belle and Sebastian and he sings The Pixies at the Karaoke. They both like The Smiths. Actually, that’s not really cool, that’s demographic pandering. If you fit that niche, have we got a formulaic romantic comedy for you!

No wait! It’s not a romantic comedy, because fans of Morrisey are too cynical for that. No, this is NOT a love story. Of course, it still has the annoying friends who give advice, and the Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets SPOILER formula, only ladies and gentlemen, it’s tweaked. Do you hear me! It’s tweaked!

Also, this story is told all out of linear time, making this is serious film-making. No wait, I mean it’s a stale recycled gimmick played up as if it’s an interesting conceit.

Well, it could be worse (Seems I’ve said that before). I could have called this review 56 Days of Summer or some lower number. The end result is a very pretty pastiche of scenes from a relationship, played by the lively and adorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. If you like She & Him you’ll probably like this movie. (If you don’t know who She & Him are you might like The Smiths.) You’re probably also a sucker for bright blue eyes. Crisp enunciation doesn’t make you a singer and likeable onscreen charisma doesn’t make you a character.

HERE IS WHERE THERE’S A SPOILER. I need to spoil it because it’s what’s wrong with the movie. It’s like being an acquaintance with a cute couple. You see them out on dates from time to time. Then you find out they broke up. It’s unfortunate, but it’s not like you know them all that well. They don’t get back together. Affectively sad. Not deeply sad, because again, you don’t know them, and because at the end he finds another chick who’s even better looking than Zooey Deshanel, which I guess is the message of the movie: if you ever get dumped by someone as cute as Deshanel, someone ever cuter will come along. Her name’s Autumn, and if this movie had more depth, that would symbolize the old age and death that awaits Joseph Gordon-Levitt, but in this movie it just symbolizes a cop-out.

Where’s the misery of a true love lost forever, and the struggle to survive with that un-healable ache? I’m a Smith’s fan.

–Dan Kilian

The Tragic Tale of Ms Grise

Advice for Obama


Posted in Fiction on January 11, 2010 by klogtheblog

“As such, we are now looking at a negative endgame scenario,” concluded the analyst.

The cabinet members looked down at the packages that accompanied their briefing materials.  Each contained a glass vial of clear liquid and an eight ounce bottle of spring water.  Hardly a last meal fitting for the leaders of the free world.

Or what was left of it.  The monitors showed images of burning cities, strands of DNA with anomalous sequences highlighted in red, a map of Washington DC with an ever-shrinking green zone.

The analyst said, “Our studies have shown that outcomes are optimal when the entire group ingests the dose simultaneously.”  Two or three of the men around the table tore into the cellophane.  Someone choked back a single anguished moan.

“Aw, hell,” said General McPatterson, “I always knew you were a bunch of pansies,” as he hauled out his .45 and blew his brains out.

–Steve Kilian

Adventures in Solitaire

Unpublished Interview of Dan Kilian by Todd E. Jones

Some More K Words

Posted in All things political, Comedy, Critique on January 8, 2010 by klogtheblog

Cyniplicity: The tendency among adolescents and adults prone to conspiracy theories to reduce complex problems using dark scorn. When I suggested that there was a fix in on the battle of the super chefs on the Food Network allowing The White House chef’s team to win, my nephew quickly accepted the notion, though it’s really cyniplicistic. Unfortunately, I could come up with no examples regarding the current state of government: These guys really are corrupt hacks.

Innocynicism: The period of life or attitude wherein one frequently displays cyniplicity. Oh for the sweet sour innocynicism of my youth!

Scoundrelous: In a manner that shows one to be a scoundrel. Dick Cheney’s attack on the President could be seen as merely despicable or contemptible, but his distortions of the truth, which he must be aware of, transcends rotten-ness and bring him to a level of scoundrelousness.

Cinemaplicity: The tendency among Hollywood screenwriters to reduce complex emotions and situations using clichés, feel-good philosophy, or violence. Also the tendency among addled souls to treat real life situations as if the players were in a movie, resulting in trite mottos or thrown punches. When his advice to “follow your dreams” was met with scorn, my friend punched the guy he was giving advice to, swing from one extreme of cinemplicity to another. Not to be confused with Cyniplicity.

–Dan Kilian

Fab Facts about The Beatles Rock Band Game

Reasons To Hope For Our Economy

Heavy Metal Magazine Cover Discussion Panel

Posted in Art, Comedy on January 7, 2010 by klogtheblog

“I don’t think you’re getting it.”

“Getting what?”

“The vision of the thing.”

“Really.  And what’s that?”

“It’s about the duality of her experience.  Also, the android isn’t torturing her.  It’s interrogating her.”


“Yes.  And the tubes running back from the syringe and from under her loincloth – they’re linking the process back to the vast array of systems that make up a mechanized society.  It’s more than the android that’s doing the interrogating, is what I’m saying.”

“I see.”

“Furthermore, the manipulator claw should be almost part of the syringe – it’s an extension of the android, much as the android is an extension of the society that has imprisoned the young lady.”

“All right, I’m getting it.  Should the syringe have one needle or two?”

“Two, yes, I like that – you’re picking it up now.”

“And the look on her face, I’m guessing it should be more than horror.”

“Yes.  What else?”

“A mixture of horror and . . . anticipation?”

“Yes!  We’ve synchronized, I can see that.”

“OK, a few more strokes of the pen.  There.  There.  How about this?”


“Shall we pack another?”

“Yes indeed, I think that’s exactly what’s in order!”

–Steve Kilian, Dialogue

–Tim Fryatt, Art


The Blue Lion