Imagined Conversation with Ray Parker Jr.

Mr. Parker! Thanks for the songs, man. Sorry about saying “man.” That’s really dorky.  Thanks. You’re a good sport.

Oh I guess I’m like most people. It’s “Ghostbusters” for me. Great movie. Great song. I hope you’re not sick of it. Good! You’re right!

I’m Dan. Pleased to meet you. Pleased to meet you. Pleased to meet you, Rochelle. Great party!

Nice girls. I’m not busting things up? No, right, you probably could. You probably could.

Look, I’m sorry I said “busting” just then. Probably just got that word in my head because…you know…

Right! Right. Cool! Busting makes me feel good too! Fuck yeah! Bustin’!

You know, fuck Huey Lewis. How dare he sue you over that song? Over a riff? One God-damn riff? The song is about busting ghosts. That’s what the song is. Has Huey Lewis ever busted a ghost in his God-damned life? I mean, there’s some old bluesman who played that riff sixty years ago who thinks you both ripped him off, and he ripped off someone who played it a hundred years ago. The key is…Ghostbusters! That’s what the song is! Huey Lewis. I’ll give him a new drug.

No no. I don’t have anything. I was just making a reference to Huey Lewis. Like anyone remembers. No. Not for me. Makes me edgy. Edgy and seriously addicted. You funk guys, you’re unstoppable.

Yeah yeah. I don’t know what we’re gonna do in Afghanistan.

I ain’t afraid of no Al-Queda! It doesn’t really roll off the tongue, does it? You’ll think of something. I think that’s a great idea.

No, no, It’s be…it’d be an honor!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

All right, I’ve got to…okay! Okay!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

Spectacular! SPECTACULAR! Hey, I’m hitting it. I’ll see you.

Busting makes me feel good too.

No, I’ve got to…

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

To be continued…

–Dan Kilian

Healthy To The Max

Awkward Conversation Near the Breakfast Buffet at The U.N.

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