Montanapocalypse

Look at the Montana state quarter.

You might think it’s odd that this state, located somewhere in the U.S. Northwest among all the square shaped states, chooses a cow’s skull to represent itself. Why this demonic death’s head? Are they devil worshipers? Probably. But I tell you this skull is just a distraction from something far more sinister.


Below the skull, floating in the void of The Big Sky, is clearly The Doomsday Machine from Episode 35 of the original series of Star Trek. This allegory for nuclear destruction features a giant cigar shaped monstrosity making its way from some intergalactic war of mutual destruction. It destroys planets and eats their rubble for fuel, moving from star system to star system leaving a wake of complete destruction. Behold the horror.

Normal people such as you and I have never known anyone who lives in Montana, yet we know from census takers that people live there. We have simply never guessed at their sinister nature, a nature so malignant they must cloak their secret message of nihilistic destruction with more commonly accepted totems of morbid evil.

We now know that the people of Montana have greater technology than we’d previously assumed. They’ve seen television, have obviously watched Star Trek and are seeking to replicate the Doomsday Machine for their sinister purposes. Please note that the state slogan is “The Last Best Place.” It’s easy enough to be the last best place if you’ve destroyed every other location in the Universe.

Either through hubris or betrayal, the secret of these Monsters in Montana has gotten out. It is they, not us, who must be destroyed. It will be tougher than Afghanistan, with all the mountainous terrain, but there is a way to do it. In the Star Trek episode it took the thermonuclear detonation of a Star Ship’s impulse engines to destroy the Doomsday Machine. We must tell NASA to develop this technology immediately, so we might match the evil Montanan’s lust for destruction.

Either they die or the entire Universe will be rendered as barren as a dead cow’s skull. The choice is ours.

.

–Dan Kilian

Inconsistencies in the New Star Trek Movie

Top Trek: A Pan Fiction

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2 Responses to “Montanapocalypse”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    I'm getting a gas mask and some rations.

  2. haha im from montana. shits funny

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