The Michelangelo Project

In a Scientology lab deep in the heart of Hollywood, Forrest Whittaker and John Travolta are suited up in level III containment gear. They are working through a glove box on scraps of nose and lip tissue that have been kept in liquid nitrogen for years.

“Do we have a viable sequence?”

“By Xenu’s shroud, I think we do.”
*
“Well, then, let’s insert it into the host cell.”

Suddenly they are interrupted by their supreme leader. Tom Cruise, through the speakers built into his shiny black level IV+ gear, says, “That won’t be necessary, gentlemen.”

Perplexed, Forrest and John take their hands out of the glove box.

Cruise continues, “You see, I haven’t been completely honest with you. Others have had access to the same material that you are now working on. The Michelangelo Project has been in progress for years.”

“Years? How many?”

Then a figure steps from behind Cruise. He’s familiar, but something about him is strange. The skin tone, the structure of his facial features – it is like looking at the brother of someone they’ve known for a long time. But then he speaks, and understanding washes over them.

In a high, perfect voice, he says, “Sixteen. I’m sixteen years old.”

*
*


–Steve Kilian

Steve’s Grisly Video
Michael J. Fox’s Bad Day
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