Steve’s Video and Pat’s Video

Steve:

In my video it would be me and Danny Trejo cutting up corpses in a clawfoot tub.

First I’d explain how me and my boy had to kill these motherfuckers because in our drunken stoned state we imagined that we’d been insulted and that shit can’t stand. So we stabbed these motherfuckers to bloody-ass death and now we have to dispose of the bodies, hence the chopping and sawing and whatnot.

Of course Danny Trejo wants me to do all the work so I call him a bitch and say to do everything. He takes a swing at me as I croon, “Do all of that work, motherfuckaaaah.” I slash him on the forehead with a straight razor and then punch him a few times and he hits his head on the edge of the tub.

He is stunned, and I rape him in the ass “just to remind you to keep that shit in check, motherfuckaaaaah.” I continue with the chopping and Danny wakes up, puts a finger in his ass and pulls it out covered in shit, blood, and my jizz.

“Ah shit you didn’t have to punk me out like that, Steeeeeve.”

“Yeah I had to Danny, you’d have done the same to meeeeeee. But let’s not be all pissed off, help me saw through this kneeeeeee.”

And so we continue until the bodies are all hacked up nice and small.

Pat:

My video has got me and Kanye, he’s singing with that 1995 Cher electronic voice distortion he’s been using so much.

We’re going over these old files and films of the failed Iranian embassy hostage rescue from the 70’s (Blame it on the sa-a-a-andstorm…). We’re arguing, upset over something.

Cut to us on the rifle range, taking out targets half a mile away. Our fine-ass, big-titty commanding officer comes over, yelling at us. The targets are moved back another half mile, but it ain’t no thang. We’re hitting shit a mile away. She smiles, takes off her cap and her long, jet black hair spills out.

Finally, we jump out of a plane and parachute onto a Navy Cruiser. We flip the caps on our scopes and take aim. Only instead of pirates, we take out 3 broke-ass hater MCs. I dive into the rough seas and swim over to the lifeboat then climb aboard. I kick open the door and disappear into the cabin, but wait! One of the punks is still alive. Plut! Kanyes bullet rips through his throat.

As the sun begins to rise I emerge from the boat carrying an old man, maybe he looks a little like Allen Dershowitz, and he’s wearing a white t-shirt that says “Truth”.

–Steve Kilian
–Pat McNulty

Loadhammer
Misogynist Backup Singer Murder Story

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