Necrophiliac Jokes

What’s “third base” to a necrophiliac? The same thing it usually is, only with a dead person.

What do necrophiliacs call morticians? Pimps.

What does a Necrophiliac call a dentist? A future lover.

Why dentists? Dentists die too.

How do you avoid being molested by a necrophiliac? Don’t die. That’s the only way.

What’s a necro’s idea of a romantic date? Digging up a corpse and having sex with it.

What do you call it when your husband makes bad coffee and digs up dead bodies to have sex with them? Grounds for divorce.

A necrophile walks into a bar and orders three drinks “One for my brother in Ireland, one for my brother in L.A. and one for me.” It’s a regular tradition the regulars grow accustomed to. One day he comes in and only orders two beers. The bartender grows somber and says, “I’m sorry for your loss.” “What are you talking about? I’ve just given up drinking!” All the while he harbors a pathological compulsion to have sex with dead people.

What does the necrophiliac consider disgusting sexual behavior? Certainly his own behavior is abhorrent to himself, but he just can’t stop he just can’t stop it’s like he’s watching himself in a nightmare as he climbs onto yet another dead body which he said he would never do again, just like he said all the other times but he just can’t stop he just can’t stop.

What’s a necrophiliac’s safety word? “I’m alive.”

Isn’t that two words? You will be sexually abused by a necrophiliac after you die.

–Dan Kilian

Three variations on the same joke

Garfield Minus Garfield


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