Dialogue with the Loch Ness Monster

Nessie! I have found you at last!

Ahm a drrreaham! Ahm a blawdy Illuuussion!

No I see you!

People ‘ave been seeyen’ me fer centurrries! Ahm nay real!

So you’re not really there?

Yerr Scrooge an’ ahm Jacob Mahrley! Ahm a gard damn dream!

So after all this time, all those deep-sea experiments, refashioned for the loch’s dark waters, I’ve still found nothing?

Nay wen’s evra found mae. Ahm nay facken’ therrre!

My life, wasted.

Nay! You’re nay even an explorer! Yer a facken’ receptionist! Yer naay where as close to being aen explorrrer or nay scientist! Ye’ve never even baen ayt of the country!

Yes, that’s all coming back to me. I think I’m waking up.

Ye’ll nae find me!

What? What?


–Dan Kilian
Mummy Dummy


One Response to “Dialogue with the Loch Ness Monster”

  1. […] Loch Ness Monster […]

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