Little Known Facts about Lincoln

As we celebrate Lincoln’s bicentennial today, feast on these obscure facts about The Great Emancipator, all researched and verified. Impress your friends with these nuggets of knowledge!

This might not really be his bicentennial.

While most historians agree as to the age of Lincoln, his birth records are quite sketchy, and Lincoln was himself somewhat evasive and contradictory when discussing his age. We may be off by as much as three years, plus or minus!

“Honest Abe” was a liar!

While he has a reputation for honesty, Lincoln could play fast and loose with the truth, usually for humorous purposes. He once led General McClellan to believe he was being led to his own execution for treason, when it was really a surprise party!

Abe had a mustache!

It’s true! While all the known photographs of Lincoln show him when he favored what is today thought of as an Amish look, he did from time to time grow out his upper-lip. It never lasted for long, and he always shaved it for public events, seemingly because he was unsatisfied with the results.

The Great Joker was sad.

While he is known for his humorous quips, Lincoln suffered from bouts of depression, and would not speak or leave his room for months at a time, leaving the running of Governmental affairs to his Secretary of State, William H. Seward. Seven months into the eight month long “Reign of Silence,” as it was frequently termed, there was a whisper campaign that Lincoln should step down, or even be impeached, but such notions were quickly suppressed with political wrangling and imprisonment.

He never wore a stove-pipe hat.

While pictured wearing one frequently, the stove-top hat was a drawing convention of the time. It was still considered religiously sacrilegious to depict the top of a great man’s head. While some think the “stove-top” hat symbolized hot-headedness in political cartoons, most historians feel that the stove top was simply the easiest kind of hat to draw. The hat that sits in the Museum of American History is an acknowledged hoax.

The Great Emancipator Had Slaves!

While he privately loathed the institution of slavery, and never used any black slaves for labor, Lincoln was not above using indentured Asian sex-workers, for release of “gentlemanly tensions.” While this would be reviled today, it was fairly common practice for statesmen of the day.

Lincoln only had one cheek.

Due to a degenerative bone condition, Lincoln had only one fully developed cheek. He could pop it out of its socket and slide it to the other side of his face, depending on which angle he was facing people. This practice loosened his skin and left him with such famously gaunt and hollowed cheeks.

More eerie Lincoln/Kennedy similarities come to light.

Both Kennedy and Lincoln were succeeded by Presidents named Johnson. Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln, and Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy. Kennedy’s secretary, Evelyn Lincoln, used the services of a clerk named Grant (Lincoln’s greatest general, and soon successor) while Lincoln’s secretary Kennedy patronized a hat-blocker with the odd name of Nixon McNamara. Kennedy often had a prostitute brought into the oval office who went by the name of Mary Todd (The name of Lincoln’s wife!) and Lincoln used a sex slave named Jackie Orochi, or Jackie O for short.

Lincoln met John Wilkes Booth twice.

Before they “met” for the last time, Lincoln briefly met and had words with John Wilkes Booth in Ford’s Theatre, the very theatre they would have their last fateful encounter. Booth was then gaining national fame as an actor, and was appearing as Marc Antony in a production of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. Lincoln was visiting the actors in their dressing rooms after the performance to compliment them on a good show. The already political Booth declared, “Mr. President, you are a tyrant and a criminal!” Lincoln could have easily had Booth arrested for treason, but laughed it off with a quip that is, looking back on it, weirdly prophetic. “If you really feel that way,” Lincoln said smiling, “then perhaps you should assassinate me, for the good of the country. Perhaps when I’m watching a play here, up in my presidential box. That’ll show me!” Lincoln laughed and left the brooding Booth, and did not speak of the incident again.

–Dan Kilian

The Polar Turtle

Obama

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4 Responses to “Little Known Facts about Lincoln”

  1. filmcriticone Says:

    Your blog says you “researched and verified” these claims about Lincoln?? About how he led McClelland to his “execution” but it was a birthday party?

    And how he hired Asian sex workers?

    Stupidity doesnt become you. MeClelland was never led to his execution, for a birthday party or otherwise.

    Lincoln didn’t have a secretary named Kennedy. Apparently you lunatics hear a stupid distortion and think that’s “verifying” it.

    Now – its not so bad that you are stupid enough to fall for this shit — but don’t tell people you verfied it.

    What makes you idiots believe this kind of nonsense? He was often sad — the death of his son and the many deaths from the war — but he was not in his room for months at a time. You might have heard there was a war on — almost every day of his presidency.

    If you are going to screw up the truth – thats fine. But know what it is first. Dont tell people you verified this shit — you are just repeating shit someone dumped on your head.

    Virtually every day of Lincoln’s life after 1856 is well known. Almost every hour. There are web sites that you can find out what Lincoln did on any given DAY. To think he was locked up in some room for months at time — depressed or not – is just dumber than owl futt. How do you get that stupid and still exhale?

    There is a little reported fact that blogs should report. Lincoln said that those who see “negroes as mere merchandise” deserved to be kicked to death. This is in a well known speech in Peoria IL. But its a quote that is oddly not reported often.

  2. klogtheblog Says:

    I live for comments such as this. Actually, I live for food, but I like this.

  3. filmcriticone Says:

    You live for stupidity — to repeat crap you hear. Only, you claim you “researched” the things you “found out” about Lincoln.

    So tell us — what “research” did you. Lincoln locked up for months at a time — how did you research that? You said you researched it – tell us how.

    Since virtually every DAY of Lincoln’s life after 1856 is known, and accounted for, you researched these “months” he was in his room how? Magic?

    My guess is — you re read the crap that gave the shit in the first place, and to your dumb ass, that’s research.

    I told your dumb ass about Lincoln’s 56 speech in Peoria, where he said slave owners should be kicked to death. Why don’t you do your “research” and verify that. Here is a clue that makes it even easier — it was in Peoria.

    Research? You must think it’s research to read some shallow dumb ass web site. That’s not research — that’s just your kind of web site. Shallow and dumb ass.

  4. klogtheblog Says:

    I stand by my research, filmcriticone. It’s all there on the internet. I am an accredited historian, so take my word for it.

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